For Ex-evangelicals Who Chose To Trust Themselves When Unworthiness Wore Them Out.

Born into sin? Born unworthy? I think TF not! Born worthy. Born Divine. Born Being! Born enough!

I still remember the day I gave birth to my oldest daughter. It was a long sleepless busy day. All I had to eat was this delicious ass hospital jello with fruit in it. I wasn’t supposed to eat those delicious chunks of fruit but...I did! Anyway, here she came into the world after 24hrs and 11 mins of labor at 2:22am. In all of her glory, her loud cry, her soulish eyes, my heart was wrapped and I was convinced she was pure magic, I still am. I mean she was born 11/11 at 2:22. So I will be damned if anyone calls her anything else! That’s my baby! And boy has she helped me evolve...out of the church.

I had already begun my mental process of leaving the church but after my oldest was born I started to really unpack church messages of what makes me worthy and who defines my purpose. I looked at her and saw this beautiful being that was not here for me to control or define. That struck me.

What kind of God (Father) looks at me and sees sin? What God needs me to declare him Lord of my life in order for me not to burn eternally? What kind of egotistical bullshit is this and why did it cause me to feel so much SHAME during my PRIMARY years?

Finally, how do I overcome it? My ongoing overcoming has been a mix of speaking to people who ACTUALLY attended seminary, finding my own spiritual path free from fear, unlearning toxic shame messages wrapped in love songs to God and accepting that I was born whole, devine and enough. Shame doesn’t live here no matter how I live my life. That‘s powerful, it’s acceptance and not the kind of acceptance where there is a coffee shop in church because “we’re cool, progressive and casual”. It took me a while but I saw through that too.

The spiritual journey that you choose will impact your children it’s part of parenting. What messages did you understand being raised in your religion? Were there messages about what made you worthy? Were you taught that you were born sinful? How did that notion impact you as a child and now? Were you taught that your worth was tied to believing in God? Talk to me.